Marco's Joke Backfires and Reveals A Secret - One-Shot 1
by HephaestusBuilds
Summary: One-Shot. After Rachel catches Marco's 'junk' growing as he stared at her butt, Marco decides to insult Jake about his manhood since Jake asked Marco to change topics. After a few minutes of Marco and Rachel insulting him, Cassie accidentally reveals a secret about her and Jake to the team when she insults Marco back. WARNING: Contains Mature Content, Themes and Language. Pls R&R


Marco:

The name's Marco, I mean of course it is, who else would it be? Jake? Nah, he's completely boring, everyone likes me better anyways. In case you don't know me, and I would find that very hard to believe considering that I'm just about the most amazing person in the world. Also charming, adorable, masculine, and humble, I've also been told by several girls that I'm great in the sack. Yes, I just said it, I mean why wouldn't I. Ever since I had my growth spurt girls couldn't keep their hands off me, for I was a god incarnate, I was just an inch or two shorter than Jake, and while I'm not as muscular as him I grew this amazing short mustache and beard that the girls just couldn't get enough of, think George Michael meets Tony Stark, the best of both worlds. I also perfected the art of turning my head dramatically, smiling, then winking, man, whenever I did that I could just see them swoon, you could practically hear their underwear hitting the floor. Honest. I was Rico Suave. I was finally in heaven, I could have any girl in the school, and they all knew it, and you bet that I took advantage of that, maybe a bit too much if I were to be honest, but you see, there was one girl that, try as I may, who I couldn't sweep off her feet. While I was a perfect amalgamation of good looks, humor, wit and awesomeness, she was a goddess among mortals. Every guy worshiped the ground she walked on, she was beauty incarnate, a stunning temptress. Aphrodite had nothing on her, she had a perfect, smooth complexion, almost too long legs, that wore knee high leather boots perfectly, hair that seemed to flow in the wind, two well developed and well sized breasts that she was always sure to show off, causing men to drool, but what made my heart stop was her divinely shaped, glorious, bouncing, perfectly toned, alluring, bewitching, heavenly ass. Just a single sight of it sent my mind into ecstasy, my mouth drooled, my body shook, goosebumps formed and my 'package' as I like to call it sprung to life, standing at attention, waiting and hoping that it would have her one day. I often stared at her butt from afar, as she walked, as she climbed the stairs, as she ran, as she bent over, it didn't matter. Today she was just standing there, her back to me, as I wanted it, in her way too tight morphing suit. I watched as she shifted her weight, as it jiggled from the movement. As I stared I could feel myself growing, trapped and confined in my tight bike shorts I wore as my morphing suit. It didn't want to be trapped, it wanted to be free. One day, I thought to myself, she will be yours, but today you have to settle with just watching from a distance. I could watch her for hours, nothing could distract me, the world could be ending and I would still be staring, unaware of what was going on around me, unfortunately, this is exactly what happened, I was too busy admiring her to realize that I was not alone, and that a very angry voice was calling my name.

"Marco! What the hell? Quit staring at my ass, you perv." It was Rachel, she was screaming at me as she turned around and began walking towards me. I blinked, remembering where I was, we were all in the barn, meaning Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Tobias, Ax and myself. We were hanging out ready to go on a spying mission, Jake had been giving some boring speech about acting professional and acting like adults, I drowned him out after the twelfth word, so I stared at Rachel's butt, unfortunately she noticed, and she was not happy.

She was just a few steps away from me, holding up a hand ready to slap me. When all of a sudden I saw her gaze lower as she stopped, her eyes staring, her mouth dropping. She just stood there silent and still for a second, until she started screaming again.

"Oh my god, Marco!" Her voice filled with utter hatred and shock. "What the hell? Are you fucking serious? That's disgusting. You sick pervert."

I stood there, fearing for my life, but I was confused, what was she talking about? Then I could feel the familiar feeling of my 'package' growing. I looked down, I just stood there, in shock. I was standing in the corner of the room filled with my best friends with a full boner, I mean there was no hiding it, it was just out there, trying to break free.

I quickly began to cover myself when the thought hit me. "What Rachel, like what you see? Because if you want we can get out of here."

I realized the second after that I shouldn't have said that, but it was too late, before I could say anything else Rachel's hand met my face as she back slapped me.

"Ooowwww!" I yelled out. Grabbing my face. "That was uncalled for."

"Excuse me?!" She asked, her voice rising. "But I'm not the one who's having a boner staring at my butt."

"It's not like I can help it, it's involuntary." I said, she didn't like that either, she got in my face.

"Oh don't give me that crap." She said, pointing a finger in my face. "You're just a little pervert, no other guy would do that."

"Are you kidding? Rachel, guys line the halls at school just to stare at you. I'm not the only one."

"The staring is one thing, I can handle that but what you did is disgusting."

"Oh come on Rachel, it's not like I meant to or anything, it just happened. Every guy would do it."

"That," She said, stepping back and pointing to Jake. "Is not an excuse, Jake would never do that."

"Well I sure hope not," I let out with a laugh. "He is your cousin after all, that'd just be plain gross."

She grew even more angry. "You know what I mean, most guys would be too mature to do that."

"Whatever." I said, then I smirked. "So tell me, Rachel, did you like what you saw?"

It was at that point that I think that she snapped, her entire body started shaking, she raised her fist as she stepped towards me.

[Oh oh,] Tobias said from rafters. [He's dead now.]

Just as Rachel's fist was inches away from my finely chiseled jaw Jake stepped in and caught her hand in his fist. I could tell that Rachel put a lot of power behind the punch, so it surprised me that once Jake's hand caught her fist it didn't even move, that goes to show you how naturally strong he is.

"What the hell, Jake?" Rachel demanded. "Just let me punch him once, just one good one so I can get all my anger out on him."

Jake moved her hand down to her side as he spoke. "I don't think that's a good idea, Rachel. We don't need Marco's head rolling across the floor."

"It's not like he uses it." Rachel sniped at me.

"Oh, your words wound me, they pierce me like a sword." I said as I held my hands to my chest, faking being stabbed. "Why don't you put on your leather bikini, Xena, give me another show?"

"You're so dead!" Rachel let out as she tried to step around Jake. But he easily stepped in her way again.

"That's enough, you two." He said, in his best no nonsense, 'I am responsible beyond belief' voice. "Rachel," he said, you need to calm down. I know that you are upset but punching him won't solve anything."

"It might." She said with a smile.

Jake let out a sigh, and turned to me. "And you Marco, are you kidding me? What you did was completely uncalled for, how your,..." He stopped, looking slightly embarrassed. "Your,.. how your,.."

I could see that Jake, being the responsible boyscout that he always was, was having a hard time coming up with a word for my junk. "My what?" I asked, seeing that he was getting flustered and having a hard time talking. I found it funny, I mean, Jake's stared down Visser Three himself without blinking but saying the word penis was too hard for him to do.

"How you were acting was completely uncalled for." He said, completely ignoring that I said anything. Then the thought hit me, I could have so much fun messing with him about this. I knew that he'd never say the word 'penis' in front of the others, especially Cassie, like it was a big deal or anything.

He quickly motioned down to my shorts. "You need to cover yourself up, Marco, we don't need to see this."

"Why should I hide it, Jake? What, are you jealous or something?" His face turned red, a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Jeez, this was going to be easier than I thought.

"What,.. No, I uh mean, no,.. I,.."

"You see that, Rachel?" I asked, looking from Jake to Rachel who had gone back to sit by Cassie who currently hand her down the throat of a very angry looking badger, why is it that every time Cassie has her hand down an animal's throat it's always a badger? Hopefully it's not always the same badger, that'd explain why he's always upset. "Big Jake over here is too shy to admit it but he is jealous."

"I am not," He quickly said. "I just don't like saying,.. that word."

"What word?" I asked, watching as his face turned red again.

"You know the one. I don't need to say it." He said as he walked a few feet away and sat down on a hay barrel.

"Oh what's wrong, Jake?" I asked in a mocking tone. "You too embarrassed to talk about it?"

"No," He said, clearly not happy that we were still talking about this. "I just find it inappropriate to talk about, especially in mixed company, nothing more."

"Oh really?"

Rachel let out a sigh. "Marco will you shut up? I'm still pissed with you so you'd better watch yourself."

"What's wrong, Rachel? You too shy to talk about it, just like Jake? Maybe's he's to embarrassed about his own to talk about it."

"No," Rachel started. "But with you there's nothing much to talk about."

"Nice try, Xena, but I'll have you know that I haven't had a compliant yet."

"That's because you haven't got any yet." She shot back.

"Pfft, please. I've gotten more here than anyone else."

Jake let out a sigh as he pulled out some math homework from his bag, Ax walked over and sat next to him, reading over his shoulder and laughing to himself saying that our human math was ridiculous. While Cassie continued doing who knows what she was doing to that poor badger Rachel and I went on for half an hour back and forth about whether or not I had millions of women falling all over me, and how I'd slept with every last one of them. When finally Jake had enough.

"Okay." He said, slamming the book closed. "Can we please change topics?"

"What?" I let out with a laugh. "You too shy to admit that you don't have a dick to talk about?"

"Wha,.. no I just,.." He was fumbling his words around so much that he couldn't talk.

"I think you're right Marco, he's probably too shy to say how small it is." Rachel said, getting in on the fun of insulting Jake.

"I bet that's it, Rachel, oh boy, is Cassie in for a disappointment." I whispered, just loud enough for Jake and Cassie to hear. I saw Jake's face turn red and Cassie's eyes drop to the floor. This was going to be fun.

"Just tell me, Jake, how long is it, two, three, maybe four inches max?"

Jake remained silent. Rachel just laughed. "I hope not," she said. "Because that's pretty sad."

"I know, right?" I asked her.

"You know, Jake, there's this little discussion and bet going around the girls locker room about you."

Jake just ignored her and began doing his homework again. "And what's that?" I asked.

"It's just that a few of the girls, namely Veronica, who has a major crush on Jake, by the way, asked me the other day how big he was."

Jake started coughing like he couldn't breath. "Are you serious?" I asked. "That's hilarious."

"I know, right." She continued. "It completely caught me off guard, she just blurted it out for everyone to hear, and they did. Soon all the girls started talking about him and placing bets on how big it was. They've all been trying to get Jake to sleep with them to find out. You should've seen it, I was trying not to die of laughter."

"Are you kidding, Jake?" I asked, looking at him. "Why didn't you tell me that you had all these girls trying to sleep with you? You could've at least shared."

"Because Rachel's lying, none of those girls are trying to do that."

"I'm not lying, Jake." Rachel said, turning towards him. "You've just been too oblivious to notice."

"Whatever." He said, still noticeably uncomfortable about this conversation.

"So Rachel," I asked. "What did you tell them when they asked?"

"I said that I didn't know, he's my cousin, I don't exactly check, I have no idea."

"Than let's just ask Jake." I turned to Jake, he was trying his best to ignore me. "So Jake, tell us, how big, or should I say small is it?"

He just ignored me, refusing to talk. "I have an idea, we should've done this at the beginning."

"What?" Rachel asked skeptically?

"Why don't we just ask Cassie how small it is, she's bound to know." As soon as I said that Cassie dropped a tray of meds she was carrying. Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, her eyes in shock.

"Oh please." Rachel said, laughing a little. "Like she'd know, there's no way that they've done it." At that moment Cassie dropped the tray of meds yet again, her face red with embarrassment.

"Like you'd know." I said, giving Jake a look, he ignored it.

"Trust me," Rachel continued. "I'd know. Jake and Cassie are way too shy and well behaved to do that. She's my best friend, if they'd done it, believe me, I'd know."

"There's only one way to find out." I said, turning to Jake. "So, have you guys done it or not?"

Before Jake could even breath Ax spoke up.

[Excuse me, but I am confused about what you and Rachel are talking about, Marco. Also, what is this 'it' that you are asking Prince Jake if he has done?]

I just stood there staring at Rachel, not knowing what I should tell Ax.

"Tobias." Rachel said, looking up to him in the rafters. "Tell Ax what we're talking about in thought speak."

[What? Why me?] He asked.

"Because I'm a lady, and as a lady I shouldn't talk about such things."

[But you've already been talking about it for half an hour…]

"Whatever. Just tell him."

"So, Cassie," I said, getting back to completely embarrassing them both. "What do you think, how small is Jake?"

At this moment the embarrassment and shock left Cassie's face and were replaced by anger, a look that I have rarely seen on her face. Then she answered very angrily.

"I _think_ that you should stop trying to insult Jake's 'package', as you called it, while you're behind."

"Oh?" I asked. "And why's that?"

Cassie put down the tray she was holding and walked towards me. Her voice harsh and rude. "Because, Marco, I'm friends with your ex girlfriend, one of them, at least, and she told me about your 'package', or lack there of, believe me, you've got nothing on Jake, you two don't even compare." She ended in a smirk.

Everyone just stopped and stared, barely even breathing. Jake's face went white as a ghost. Tobias was the one who broke the silence, with laughter.

[Oh shit, Marco. You just got burned by Cassie,] He said laughing his head off in our heads. [How's it feel?]

[What is this package that you are talking about? Is it some form of gift or present?]

"You could say that, Ax." I said, still in shock that Cassie just got in my face and said something like that. She has no sense of humor whatsoever, I didn't expect it.

"Cassie!" Rachel said in disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that. But that was a good one, it sure made marco shut up."

"Rachel," Cassie said, completely unfazed. "I'm serious, it wasn't a joke."

Rachel looked from Jake to Cassie to Jake again, asking; "Jake, is she serious? Because to be honest I don't bel-" Before Rachel could finish Jake interrupted her, completely oblivious that she was talking to him.

"Cassie," He said, his head massaging his temple. "I thought that we decided that we weren't going to tell the others? And you go just blurting it out for them all to hear."

Rachel just stared in disbelief as Cassie walked over to Jake and sat sort of on his lap. "I'm sorry, Jake, but Marco was just getting on my nerves. And besides," She said as she got quiet and kissed him on the cheek. "I was telling the truth, he really has nothing on you."

Rachel, Tobias and i all just stood there silent in disbelief. Until Ax asked another question

[Marco, would you please explain to what you are talking about? I do not understand.]

"It's quite simple, Ax. Cassie just confirmed that she has seen Jake butt naked."

Ax looked confused, or at least as confused as an Andalite can look. I do not understand, would it not be expected that Prince Jake and Cassie have seen each other without artificial skin since they are a couple? They are both pretty much mature sexually, so isn't that to be expected?

Rachel and I just stared in disbelief.

[Ax,] Tobias said quickly. [That's not how it works, it's much more complicated than that.]

Ax turned to face Cassie. "Cassie, can you please tell me, have you and Prince Jake mated?] He asked this like it was no big deal, which it was.

"I don't wanna talk about it Ax, I've said too much already." She said as she looked at Jake, his face was still ghost white from shock.

I could see the realization slide across Rachel's face. "No, don't tell me. You guys actually did it?"

Cassie just smiled as she hugged Jake. Jake looked around at all of us and sighed. "Why me?" He asked.

"You guys _DID_ do it!" Rachel practically yelled. "I can't believe you two, Cassie, why didn't you tell me? And Jake, what were you thinking?"

"Who said that it was my idea?" He said, a tiny smile forming on his face.

"OH. MY. GOD!" Rachel was full out screaming now."Cassie!? How could you?"

I started laughing and looked towards Jake.

"It was about time, Jake. I mean, how long did it take you guys to work enough courage to even look at each other naked?"

"You shouldn't be one to talk about how long something is, Marco." Cassie shot at me with a smile. "Your ex told me that she almost laughed when she saw yours."

We all just turned to Cassie and stared. Jake's face turned white again.

"Cassie!" Rachel was yelling again, in disbelief.

"What, it's true." Cassie answered.

Tobias broke out laughing again, nearly falling off his perch.

"Oh Cassie," Jake said as he pulled her into a hug. "What am I going to do with you?"

Cassie just smiled. "Just do what you did last night."

Rachel's jaw hit the floor as Tobias actually hit the floor because he fell from laughing so hard. "Okay." I said. "I admit defeat, my insult backfired. And I don't wanna know any more details, I'm out of here."


End file.
